Most of our un-happiness comes from our own thinking, behaviour and habits. Today I would like to share 5 of the most destructive habits that can create un-happiness in your life.

After each habit I will go over some ways that can help you overcome some of the habits and live a better life.

Negative Friends

If you are surrounded with people that have little or no faith this will start to affect you in the long-term. Who we socialize with, what we read, watch and listen to, has a massive effect on how we feel and think.

It becomes a lot harder to be happier if you let yourself be influenced by negative voices. Voices that tell you that life will always be the way it is, that its better you learn to be happy where you are. Voices that watch life from a negative limited perspective.

How to overcome this habit:

Replace those negative voices with more positive ones. Surround yourself with new people to see the difference it can make. All your old friends will be exactly where you leave them if you ever want to return. This alone can be like a whole new world opening up.

Spend time with positive people, listen to inspiring music and read motivational books, watch movies and TV-shows that make you laugh and think about life in a new way.

What I found very helpful was starting out small. For example, listen to an inspiring audiobook on YouTube while eating breakfast in the morning, rather than listening to the news that is filled with negativity.

Getting Stuck in the Past and Future

Spending much of your time in the past, reliving old painful memories, conflicts, missed opportunities can hurt a lot. Spending your time in the future and imagining how things could go wrong at work, in your relationships and with your health can lead to a lot of un-happiness. Life is about living in the present.

How to overcome this habit:

It is pretty much impossible not to think about the past or the future. And it is of course important to plan for tomorrow and next year and to try to learn from your past, but to dwell on those things rarely helps.

What I found to be very helpful is to focus on what I can do today. I do out a timetable each day of all the things that I need to do. Constantly working towards my bigger longterm goals. If I do find myself thinking of the past or future too much I recite a short prayer to centre my thoughts.

Worry and doubt all stem from dwelling on the past or thinking about the future.

What I find very helpful is going for a walk in nature, or changing my surroundings by visiting a friend or relative. Being at home is the worst place to be if there is something troubling you.

Comparing Yourself To Others

One very common and destructive habit is to compare yourself to other people. People compare cars, houses, jobs, relationships, social popularity and so on. The list can be endless. All this does is create a lot of negative feelings.

How to overcome this habit:

Compare yourself to yourself. Instead of comparing yourself to other people create the habit of comparing yourself to yourself.

See how much you have grown, what you have achieved and what progress you have made towards your goals. Doing this has the benefit of creating gratitude, appreciation and kindness towards yourself as you observe what you have achieved, the obstacles you have overcome and the good stuff you have done.

When we judge ourselves we tend to judge others also. Luke 6:37 “do not judge, and you will not be judged.” Try to only focus on the positives in yourself and those around you. When we judge it’s usually because we have unrealistic expectations of others and ourselves.

By letting this all go and just accepting who you are faults and all, you will be instantly happier and have better relationships with others.

Focusing on the Negative Details in Life

Most people focus on the dark clouds rather than the silver lining. When you look at the negative aspects of a situation that is a sure way to make yourself unhappy. You can even drag down the mood for everyone around you.

How to overcome this habit:

Overcoming this habit can be difficult. Something that has worked for me is to look for the good in the situation, it can be hard to see but it is always there. If things didn’t work out for you, maybe its not the right time, or a better opportunity is around the corner.

What can easily happen if your not careful is you can be so buried in self-pity that you miss out on the reason that you had the setback. For example, you attend an interview and don’t get the job. You take the rejection personally, thinking you haven’t got what it takes and don’t even look for another job when the perfect one is waiting for you.

Overcomplicating Life

Life at times can be complicated but more often than not we can be the ones that make it so. This ultimately creates stress and unhappiness. The world is becoming more complex but that doesn’t stop us from making some new habits to make it easier.

How to overcome this habit:

Splitting your focus and having your attention all over the place is certain to lead to unhappiness. Concentrate on one thing at a time. Have a to-do-list of 4-5 important things that need completed throughout the day.

Work on the first until it is complete then move on to the next. This simple strategy saves time, and will triple your productivity. Plus, at the end of the day you will feel happy.

Another thing that can overcomplicate life is having too much stuff. A solution can be to ask yourself: have I used this in the past year? If not then give it away. This can create so much space within your home. A cluttered living space reflects a cluttered mind.

Relationships can be the most complicated thing in life. What has helped me greatly in this department is communication. Reading minds is impossible. Minimise unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings and negativity.

When stressed, worried or lost in a problem, breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out. This will calm your body and mind.

Then you can start focusing on doing what is most important for you again.

Thanks for reading. Have a good week.
Rev J Martin